Film tie-in video games have always had a bad rap, and for good reason. More often than not, a game based on a film will have low production values, poor gameplay mechanics and only serve one purpose – to rinse money from the parents who don’t know any better. In the last few years, however, film tie-ins have become something of a dying breed. Kids these days don’t know the joys of playing games based on their favourite films, which is a shame, as some were great, whilst others were so bad, that they were good.
Not every film gets a tie-in video game, but here I wonder about films that deserved terrible games made out of them. The kind of games that would turn up on all kinds of “worst games of all time” lists – much like E.T. on the Atari. This isn’t an article about what films could of had great games. So sit back and enjoy this list of films that could have given the world hilariously bad games.
Can you imagine playing the same level, over and over again? I can. It would be painful. You’d control Phil, jumping over groundhogs and out of his hotel in every stage, presumably with little things changing each time such as amount of groundhogs to avoid or squash. Beat the boss battle at the end of each stage, and the next stage will change slightly, rinse and repeat until finished. There would be little to no variation in the gameplay or graphics throughout. On more modern hardware, however the repeated day idea has been used quite well, as shown by the interesting, contemporary concepts of Garbage Day and Elsinore as well as The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask.
Richard Linklater’s twelve-years-in-the-making epic about growing up could have seen an equally long and corny video game tie-in. You’d get to see some kid grow up, developing drama around him to do with everyday life. Just imagine it. How exciting would that have been as a video game? Telltale would have handled the license, but we’d still be playing episodes of the game now – to truly reflect on the film’s vision and scope. Each episode would have revolved around something rather ordinary, with no excitement to be found anywhere. You’d get to make the boring decisions as seen in the film, for hundreds of hours!
A 3D action-platformer based on Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker’s classic buddy comedy Rush Hour definitely should have happened. All your favourite scenes from the movie recreated in the wonderfully blocky graphics of the original Playstation. Redone voice clips from voice actors (not Chan or Tucker, obviously) would have been in abundance, ruining the comic timing and performances from the film. ‘Wipe yourself off, you dead!’ would have been completely ruined. The fun would have been sucked out of the story for the sake of a few extra dollars on the side. Of course, alongside all of this would have been shoddy platforming sections (including parts not found in the film) and sub par shooting mechanics. Oh how I wish this happened, it could have been gloriously awful.
Edge of Tomorrow (Live. Die. Repeat)
Shooting games based on action films don’t usually go down that well. There are a few exceptions, such as the all-time classic Goldeneye 007, but more often than not, an action game tie-in to an action film is poor. Edge of Tomorrow should’ve had a shoddy first-person shooter made out of it. The worst thing about a potential video game adaptation of Edge of Tomorrow would have been the fact that it could make for a very good shooting game. The film draws inspiration from video games. A game based on the film would have fallen foul of low production values, poor guns and a bland misuse of the franchise. Think the recent Rambo game as an example for how hilariously bad this could have been.
Fifty Shades of Grey – Ryan Jones
With the PlayStation VR just around the corner, virtual reality headsets could soon become commonplace in your home. Disturbingly, one of the most talked about uses of virtual reality is watching porn… But why stop there? Why not make it an interactive game? Why not use the motion controls to simulate whips and voice recognition to direct the tempo? Yeah… we think that would be a terrible idea too, especially since it’s essentially a Fifty Shades of Grey video game adaptation. But we can still imagine multiple of Fifty Shades fans begging to step into the shoes of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele. Pass the sick bag please!
So that’s it. Five films that would have made terrible video games. I wish we got to play all of the games listed above, as I feel the world would appreciate even more terrible film tie-ins. If you’ve thought of any more films that would have made for hilariously bad video games, let us know in the comments!